On the Gayest Place on Earth
I think I might have stumbled into the gayest place in New York City last night - a little place called Arriba Arriba (which I assume is Mexican for "Gay gay"). Also in attendance was the Pale Imitation of Desmond (Deluca) and Joanna, via Rhode Island.
Now.. in general, as we all know, I don't like Mexican food.... so this whole little caper began on the wrong foot as I met the dynamic duo on the corner of 46th and 9th and was informed that we'd be going to a Mexican place. I subtly tried to indicate two places that had BYOB and was promptly ignored.
I don't like being ignored. It hurts my feelings.
However, I was reminded that I like tequila (boy do I ever!), so things got back on track after that. So, anyways, we get in and are greeted by perhaps the gayest Mexican host on earth. How did I know he was gay? Well, that's like asking, is the sky blue? Are unicorns real? Is Mike a fatass alcoholic? Etc.
Anyways, it didn't QUITE hit us how gay Arriba Arriba was until the gay bartender made us gay frozen margaritas and we listened closely to the really subtle gay music being played gayly... and by subtle I mean thumping and uber-loud, uber-gay Ace of Bass (uber is a gay word, therefore it's place in this blog is neccessary). Gay Gay Gay.
Musicwise, what followed was a colorful rainbow of Britney Spears, Ace of Bass, and other assorted gay songs... except for some reason both Cher and Madonna were not featured artists. Are the gays mad at them? It was also fun to take any song they played and make it into inneundo.. like, for some strange reason the DJ (who danced to his own beat... the beat being commonly known as "Xtacy") played a Beatles song - Come Together. Get it? Come....... together......
The crowd also reinforced my assertion that this was the gayest place to be on Thursday night in New York City. It's like, you're a crocodile, right? And you're going down the pond to just check out things, you know, do crocodile things. And you sorta meander into a little pond section and you see a bunch of other crocodiles, and you're all like, OK, this is a popular spot... but after a little while you're like, hmmm something is off here, can't quite put my claw on it... and then it hits you -- ALL THE MALE CROCODILES ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER. And then you're like, where are the women? ALL THE WOMEN CROCODILES ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER. Well... all but one male crocodile and one female crodocile who are sitting behind you as the male crocodile talks about his problems with his parents (no really, this conversation was being had behind us for like 20 minutes (although neither of them was really a crocodile)).
It was pretty overwhelming. At certain points I felt inclined to call after our waitress "I'm not gay!" but I don't think she ever heard me. Also, I ordered a chicken salad, so I'm thinking that negated any attempts at non-homosexuality I was trying to make.
Oh yeah. And the food. Yeah. Um... it was Mexican, so you know, what do you expect? It was OK.
Afterwards we went back to Joanna's gigantic room at the Marriot Marquis and had beer and looked out on Times Square from her awesome view. Also, we watched the Apprentice Finale... which might not have been gay, but was a really wierd choice. Didn't see who won though. Also, on the way to the subway I did my "overwhelmed by tourists" thing where I flail my arms and make guttural sounds to get them out of my way. One of them looked at me and said "OH MY GOD!". It's always nice to scare people. I do it daily.
Now.. in general, as we all know, I don't like Mexican food.... so this whole little caper began on the wrong foot as I met the dynamic duo on the corner of 46th and 9th and was informed that we'd be going to a Mexican place. I subtly tried to indicate two places that had BYOB and was promptly ignored.
I don't like being ignored. It hurts my feelings.
However, I was reminded that I like tequila (boy do I ever!), so things got back on track after that. So, anyways, we get in and are greeted by perhaps the gayest Mexican host on earth. How did I know he was gay? Well, that's like asking, is the sky blue? Are unicorns real? Is Mike a fatass alcoholic? Etc.
Anyways, it didn't QUITE hit us how gay Arriba Arriba was until the gay bartender made us gay frozen margaritas and we listened closely to the really subtle gay music being played gayly... and by subtle I mean thumping and uber-loud, uber-gay Ace of Bass (uber is a gay word, therefore it's place in this blog is neccessary). Gay Gay Gay.
Musicwise, what followed was a colorful rainbow of Britney Spears, Ace of Bass, and other assorted gay songs... except for some reason both Cher and Madonna were not featured artists. Are the gays mad at them? It was also fun to take any song they played and make it into inneundo.. like, for some strange reason the DJ (who danced to his own beat... the beat being commonly known as "Xtacy") played a Beatles song - Come Together. Get it? Come....... together......
The crowd also reinforced my assertion that this was the gayest place to be on Thursday night in New York City. It's like, you're a crocodile, right? And you're going down the pond to just check out things, you know, do crocodile things. And you sorta meander into a little pond section and you see a bunch of other crocodiles, and you're all like, OK, this is a popular spot... but after a little while you're like, hmmm something is off here, can't quite put my claw on it... and then it hits you -- ALL THE MALE CROCODILES ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER. And then you're like, where are the women? ALL THE WOMEN CROCODILES ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER. Well... all but one male crocodile and one female crodocile who are sitting behind you as the male crocodile talks about his problems with his parents (no really, this conversation was being had behind us for like 20 minutes (although neither of them was really a crocodile)).
It was pretty overwhelming. At certain points I felt inclined to call after our waitress "I'm not gay!" but I don't think she ever heard me. Also, I ordered a chicken salad, so I'm thinking that negated any attempts at non-homosexuality I was trying to make.
Oh yeah. And the food. Yeah. Um... it was Mexican, so you know, what do you expect? It was OK.
Afterwards we went back to Joanna's gigantic room at the Marriot Marquis and had beer and looked out on Times Square from her awesome view. Also, we watched the Apprentice Finale... which might not have been gay, but was a really wierd choice. Didn't see who won though. Also, on the way to the subway I did my "overwhelmed by tourists" thing where I flail my arms and make guttural sounds to get them out of my way. One of them looked at me and said "OH MY GOD!". It's always nice to scare people. I do it daily.
posted by Mike at 7:45 AM
2 Comments:
dear burty,
you are gay.
perhaps you should move to Khandahar. A wise woman (my grandmother)once told me Khandahar is so gay that even the birds fly with one wing over their asses.
love,
the afghan
you're an asshole. and i really need to blog.
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